sites of panic

joy chou - he/him

to be queer & trans of color

the experience//

As a child, gender and cultural norms pervaded every facet of my life, from the way I dressed, ate, and played to the way I laughed and cried, I have never enjoyed genuine autonomy that was disconnected from these rigid expectations. Being an exemplary Chinese girl traditionally meant dressing up in girly outfits and refraining from speaking my mind, but that was not who I am. Looking back, my childhood distaste for almost every conventionally feminine feature signaled my underlying desire to resist the normative systems. I preferred Hot Wheels over Barbies, button-up shirts over tiny floral skirts, and recess soccer games over playing house. My childhood dream was to become a Naruto ninja, exterminating enemies and protecting my loved ones with my superpowers. I craved the tough and independent traits that masculinity seemingly embodied - I did not want to be an incubated flower. Every time I came home with my hair disheveled and shirt untucked from an eventful day at school, my mom would scold me for being a “feng-po-zi”, which means crazy woman in Mandarin, and demand me to shower immediately to eradicate all signs of messiness. My naturally “boyish” disposition often made me stand out in classrooms, but I managed to fit in by excelling academically and being respectful and “resilient” in the face of adversity and abuse.

01 art by @Kyunie<3

IDs

male or female? even better, other?

our society relies on categorization and identification to understand gender. gender classification, is a method of control and surveillance that has many detrimental consequences, specifically for trans/non-binary individuals. identity documentation thus becomes a site of panic.

02 disabled, trans of color activist chella man next to his artwork

clothing

how to be a boy

"you dress like an e-boy, kevin nguyen fuckboy"

"why did you cut your hair? you used to be so pretty!"

"that dress looks freaky on you"

"you look so handsome"

"ha ha, lesbian"

categorization

bathroom

are they scared of me?

ugh.......

i need to pee but im scared of men i would never enter a men's bathroom. female spaces make me feel safe but do they feel safe with me?

maybe it will be okay because i look like a girl, don't worry they would never know.

*holding my tampon firmly in my hand*

pronouns

what if i don't know?

he/him, she/her

please share your name, pronouns, year in school and something interesting about you.

hi my name is joy. um, im a junior at northwestern.

//WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I SAY//

i really enjoy cooking and making music in my free time!

what it means to be a man

doing gender through using products for men

doing gender through interactions

doing gender through relationships

doing gender through gender roles & social scripts

who is a REAL man?

06 image by Ingrid Correa

panic panic panic

reimagination & reclamation

protecting trans bodies

non-conforming, "non-normative" bodies are powerful in their own existence because these bodies are constantly policies, regulated, and confined by arbitrary boundaries. reclaiming these bodies, highlighting these bodies rather than hiding them through clothing, and reimagining ways of dressing ourselves that align with how we define our gender rather than what society expects us to is resistance.

06 image of chella man, shirtless after top-surgery

07 mark aguhar's work

stillness & existence as resistance

using art and performance as a form of resistance, recognizing that using such mediums IS a form of radical defiance to oppression. art is intuitive, personal, and accessible. art demonstrates the intersectionality of queerness and how our culture informs the way we express, create, and resist.

stillness and the mere existence of queer and trans individuals are a form of resistance.

its okay to be gay

its okay to be queer

its okay to be trans

its okay to be confused

its okay to be in-between

its okay to conform

its okay to resist

its okay to be angry

its okay to love & be loved

its okay to not be okay

its okay its okay

its okay.

haha, it's okay!